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By: j.c. jackson Creative Nonfiction Essay Today I was sitting outside staring at a flower that popped up. I swear it wasn’t there two days ago. It’s been raining. Storming actually, for the past two days. Everyone has been hunkered down in their homes wrapped in safety while the Rain punched the Earth. Today I saw this…   But where did she come from? Meadow was a pretty girl. But… Why did she show up on my cul de sac? How did she plant herself in my yard and grow in the two days since I last checked?? I pondered it for a while, running fantastical scenarios through my brain. Imagined Meadow uprooting herself from a neighbor's yard and sauntering herself into ours because “the grass was greener” on our side. I laughed at the image of a sauntering flower, then I scratched that idea off the list because our grass definitely was NOT greener than our neighbors. Seriously, the only logical answer was the rain. “Rainwater contains nitrate – the most bioavailable form of nitrogen. Nitrogen is one of the three key macro-nutrients that plants need to thrive – necessary for the development of lush foliage.” The nitrate in the water made luscious Mrs. Meadows show up. After all that storming she just appeared beautiful in all her glory and splendor. Giving us hope of what’s to come. Mrs. Meadows was probably as confused as I about her dramatic appearance. It reminded me of life and promises whispered from God to my heart. Then, I had a revelation. Most of my revelations come from nature or quiet. These revelations generally have background music that plays in my head. I heard a song I don’t know the name of, but they sing it at my church (Have a listen: Go to 25.19 minutes) .The words are: Rain came Wind blew But my house was built on you I’m safe with you I’m gonna make it through In the revelation, I was Mrs. Meadows that just appeared after the storm. All the raining and storming was my life and the nitrate from the rain was God’s perseverance. The type of perseverance He discusses in Romans 5:3-5 . After I heard and saw. I wrote: When it Rains By: J.C. Jackson (With some adaptations from the piece “Changes” ) Rain came Wind blew But my house was built on you I’m safe with you I’m gonna make it through When it rained I smiled. I watched and smelled and smiled because she was so beautiful. Rain She was full of grace and peace Rain Something about her brought growth Rain I used to sit and feel and taste and smile because she was magic. She brought hope. Rain But then I lengthen and got distracted. I stopped watching and smelling and smiling. I stopped thinking she was so beautiful. I became tired of her incessant presence. Rain I used to like the sound of Rain until she became deafening. When Rain became Grammy’s “bad man hammer” impaling my mind, I didn’t like her anymore. I hadn’t realized her soft sounds were actually the low murmurs of profanity until she began to cuss at my home. Pound at my heart. Trying to teach me something I could not hear because her words; her fist were too heavy, too loud. RAIN STOP! And then she poured… Beat me. I could not protect myself from her onslaught. She was a warrior and I was her target. Rain was a master archer. I could not laugh, I could not smile, I could not breathe because it was too much! Rain was too hard. I could only focus. JESUS! But then.. SHUSH! Rain stopped. I opened my eyes and looked around. It looked different. I unfolded my body and I lengthened. I grew in the storm. I grew in Rain Somehow more beautiful Somehow I persevered Rain Rain came Wind blew But my house was built on you I’m safe with you I’m gonna make it through Those things that I wrote, I saw. After this revelation, I saw myself as beautiful Mrs. Meadows and I cried. Today I cried long and deep. The type of cry that deserves a hug from Big Ma. You ever carry a burden so heavy that it reaches past present time to the time of your ancestors? That’s the type of cry I unleashed. It was cleansing. I remembered my son I lost, and cried. Replayed the anxiety of living life after. Remembered the words from my piece ‘Practice’ from Elijah Broke the Gate, and cried some more. My tears caressed my face as the memories of ambulances for my mom and hospitals for my dad came into view. The water washes a caregiver's burden. My tears soaked into the ground as I gave up expectation. No longer expecting myself to be the wife my husband wants me to be, but began receiving the wife God needs me to be. I loved her. That wife. I’d be king to her. That wife. My tears mixed with the rain soaked ground and nourished plants. I cried for my daughter and her trials to come. Prayed for her covering. Prayed for her wisdom. I cried for the ones who look like me and the sons like Ralph Yarl who get shot just because they could be shot. I cried for those tragedies. I cried and it felt good. When I went to the mirror and looked at myself I was beautiful just like Mrs. Meadows. Resources for Managing Tribulation
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